Thursday, April 19, 2007

The road taken :(

In the world today, where a lot of people (even if a very marginal population of people) have started asking you, "What are you working as?" rather than "Married?", I'm having serious thoughts on my career.

When I was in the third standard,my career plans were very clear. I wanted to be the next God. All I had to do was wait for the present God to kick the bucket and then I'd very smoothly take over the career. And mom said, the only criterion I had to fulfill was be good; which involved not screaming, no lying, no stealing, studying hard, eating everything on your plate, no climbing walls and trees, no bashing up cousins and neighbours, no digging your nose, no throwing stones at the neighbour's dog... I did try, though it was heart wrenching and thought-sweating at times. I was shattered beyond repair when finally I learned that God never dies. He was supposed to be in that chair for ever and ever :(. My first career destroyed for ever and ever.

When I was in the fourth standard, I decided that I'd be the Games teacher. The ulterior motive behind which was the joy of playing all day long and getting paid for jumping hoops. Days in classes sped by with the rosy tinted dreams of me in my flowered shorts and pigtails jumping hoops, stretching before running races and walking the rope... :) :) :). Then..one day i started noticing that the Games teachers actually wore sarees and didn't seem to be doing much of a jumping and skipping around. Another shattered dream.

I wasn't the pretty, chubby cheeked darlings in school who got to be the class leader and the angel in Christmas plays. I was usually the tree, the fisherman or the shepherd with my very normal face covered in leaves, itchy beard or a scarf. That must have made me want to be an actor somewhere. No, not the pretty doe-eyed actresses, but maybe those art filmy ones who required no beauty. Well..sadly that ended when they made me stand as the fisherman in "Sr. Veronica- The History of her Indian adventure" for our Annual Day. I stood on the stage for one entire hour with an itchy stinky fake moustache, a lungi that kept falling off, a huge basket i couldn't hold onto and a whiny nun behind the stage prompting me for some dialogue. i refused to say the dialogue and that ended my career on stage for ever and ever.

The next year, I took a break from wanting to be anyone. I decided I was the culmination of all creations and people ought to be working towards being me. Aaaahhh relaxed finally. But this peaceful life shattered too when I heard of creatures called journalists.

Man!!! Was i excited?!! You bet! The dream of being a journalist sustained me for more than five years. I finally met my destiny. I was so so destined to be a journalist. What with my nosy nature, sideway glances and totally alien looks instilled all the confidence I needed to be one, in me. I took up to writing and reading with a never before vigour. Afterall my life and my destiny depended on my use of words. Finally, I had settled on a career of my own.
All this while, I was busy ignoring mom's MBBS hopes, dad's Engineering and my Brother's IPS. I agree i had second thoughts on the IPS part. Bashing up people and getting paid for it (MMMMM???).

I did my degree in Functional English with papers in Media taking up all my interests. I jumped at all the seminars, opportunities that brought me closer to journalism. I was the script writer in our documentary film, Founder member of the English alumni, Editor in Sanjayan Memorial magazine and co-founder of Indo-Anglican Drama Club. Journalism had started growing in me and above and around me.

Religion and society shattered it. I went straight for the jugular- I joined MSW without batting an eyelid. MSW opened doors for me that I might not have seen had I stayed a Journalist. I walked with raw people- prostitutes, street children, mentally unstable, homosexuals, AIDS patients, abandoned grandfathers and grandmothers... I saw the darker side of the world. Now I'm not sure what I'm ready to be - Just me or a journalist? A social worker? A career woman?

2 comments:

fawaz said...

i say IAS. You have my blessings.

സനാതനന്‍ said...

Really fantastic writing.I think u will be thrown into fame soon and loose your strength and ruf views on life.Eventhough I also wish more readers and acknowledgements for you,I sincerely fear the lose of life soon follows.
be careful